Because I have been bored with the gym, today I decided to be a bit more creative with my workout and look up ‘how to burlesque dance’.
This is a bit of a gamble with Google, as you can never be too sure what type of video may pop up. But to my surprise, all were acceptable PG viewing.
The first video I clicked on gave three simple moves inspired by the movie ‘Burlesque’ (see the connection?!). Click here to view the three minute video.
The ladies teaching the moves were peppy. I didn’t feel as if they were trying to intimadate me with their sexiness, but instead invite me to join their sexiness. Their easy to-do moves boosted my confidence and gave me the motivation to try another video.
The next instructional I chose began with a girl in the middle of a mirrored studio dancing to generic porn music. It was unclear if I was supposed to follow her or wait for instructions on how to do the moves.
About a minute (too long) into the video she finally narrates the routine. Her first instruction was “Turn your hips left and your shoulders right”.
What does that even mean?!
I can’t tell you what I did, but it sure as hell wasn’t what “girl in the middle of the mirrored studio dancing to generic porn music” was doing.
So I opted to just move my hips and keep the shoulders parked while maintaing a sexy look on my face.
It is then when I start to feel silly.
Mind you, dancing porn-music girl is wearing shorts and a sports bra, and I’m in my gray Army sweatpants and my Bocce ball team t-shirt.
I do not recommend wearing frumpy clothes while trying to look (or feel) sexy. Let’s just say I’m happy I was in the privacy of my own home while attempting these moves in this video.
The moves weren’t necessarily difficult, but I somehow over thought what I was supposed to be doing. Suddenly my shoulders don’t know how to move because my hips are moving? I can walk, run, do the twist, but I can’t move my shoulders left when my hips are to the right?
I blame it on the porn-music girl: she did not invite me to join her sexiness.
After the hip movement, I then was instructed to raise my hand above my shoulder. Raise my hand above my shoulder in a sexy motion.
I don’t know how many of you have raised your hand above your shoulder and maintained sex appeal, but doing this while wearing baggy sweatpants (and a t-shirt that says “let’s roll”) makes it incredibly difficult to raise your hand above your shoulder in a sexy manner. The entire time I’m doing these moves, I’m looking in the mirror, and can only see the growing disappointment in my own face.
Then comes time for a hair flip. The most basic move of them all. I recommend not even trying if you already feel ridiculous at this point, because the strain in my face when flipping my hair up was probably the most discouraging part of the entire routine.
I managed to not only bruise my ego within the first three minutes of the video, but also give myself whiplash.
So that’s a post.
Til next time friends!