The Bridesmaids Dress

A couple of weeks ago an absolutely amazing couple got married and I was privileged enough to stand by the bride’s side during the beautiful ceremony.

This is just a sexed up way to say I was a bridesmaid.

I had ordered the bridesmaids dress in June. It was a very snug fit when I bought it, so naturally when I picked it up a month later I avoided trying it on again.

Deep down I knew the truth.

Weeks went by and the unused dress hung alone in my closet protected by the plastic it was delivered in.

Weeks went on and in the back of my head I kept reminding myself “you know you have to face the truth”.

Finally on one Thursday night at 11:00pm (because that’s a great time to get shit done apparently) I unwrapped the virginal bridesmaids dress, slipped it over my thighs, up to my chest and zipped it halfway.

There was ruching at the waistline (it’s where the fabric is kind of bunched. Being around girls trying on dresses, you learn useless terms like this) so I figured that’s why I couldn’t zip it up.

I asked my roommate (my younger sister) to try and zip it up.

“It’s not zipping Rik”.


So I go to my other roommate (my younger brother) and ask him to zip it up.

“Umm Rik, it’s not going up”.


This is the moment shear panic arises. Here I had months to try on the now tainted dress and I waited just a few weeks prior to the wedding at 11pm at night when everything is closed to try on this god forsaken, condemned dress!

And yes I am fully aware that is a run on sentence, but I figured it was necessary to portray the panic I was in at the time.

Panic wasn’t the only thing I was experiencing; then there was shame because I had gained enough weight for the dress to not fit around my fucking ribcage. Who gains weight around their ribcage and not in their boobs?

Thanks genetics.

I had thought these things only happened in sitcoms.

So I had to face the music and called in for a larger size. Still bummed I had gained a few pounds, I decided I had to work on my back since the dress was a strapless and I wanted to look my best despite the few extra pounds I had gained.

So I started going to the gym and did rows, assisted pull-ups, and a few triceps because tri’s are sexy.

By the time the wedding came around, I tried on my new sized dress and zipped it up.

It fit perfectly!

But then I looked at my shoulders and back and instantly was self-conscious because I looked buff and less feminine in the dress.

What the fuck is wrong with girl brain?!

Really? I’m self-conscious because I’m too buff?

Moral of the story – there’s no winning in the weight category! Love your body no matter what!

That and no one likes how they look in a bridesmaids dress. So get drunk to not care and dance your little ass off! Because if you’re a bridesmaid, chances are someone you absolutely love gave you the privilege of making you part of their special day and that’s really all it’s about.

Til next time friends!

Tagged , , , , ,

One thought on “The Bridesmaids Dress

  1. Stephanie says:

    Absolutely amazing writing as always!!! You looked incredible in that dress by the way!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: