Tag Archives: burlesque

Sexy Rumble – yeah it’s a thing

Last week a coach from my gym asked me where I have been.

Thanks for calling me out Coach.

Little does he know, I’ve been busy sexy rumbling at my burlesque dance class.

Granted the class is only once a week. But he doesn’t need to know that.

The class isn’t so much dancing as it is to pose like a 1950s pinup and look sexy.

I can’t hold a sexy pose for half a second before I start giggling.

But the instructor said to create a stage name and character. This will help me with posing since my character is too cool to giggle at herself.

So I came up with the name Margot Fatale.

I chose Margot because it is a girly name. My real name is Rikki, and most people call me Rik, so it’s fun going by something not only girly but also French.

Fatale because I’m a big fan of the Film Noir era. I wrote an entire thesis about the Femme Fatale characters and the power they have over their male counterparts. These films portray the simplicity of men due to their willingness to commit crimes all because they were after the nookie.

Let’s try and bring that word back people. I think we owe to Fred Durst.

At the time, these characters were looked at as evil and negative. But I think there is still something we can learn from them: they are confident, unapologetic, and desirable.

As someone who has a lot of self-doubt and apologizes for everything, these are traits I could learn.

And they are traits Margot already embodies.

I catch myself in front of the mirror and liking what I see. But once I go on the scale, I’m suddenly disappointed in my body and the way I look.

Instead of going to the gym on Tuesday nights and trying to lose those pounds I’ve gained, I go to a dance class where I am forced to pose and be sexy.

At the end of the hour class, I feel more attractive than I do after an hour at the gym.

As I look around the classroom, I see a dozen other sexy, attractive, and desirable women. These women don’t have six packs, or butts with three different types of glutes.

They are women with confidence, and body types not featured on an Instagram page or a health magazine.

They are genuinely and uniquely beautiful women.

So the next time a coach at the gym calls me out for not showing up, I’ll walk my little cat walk, give him three pinup poses, and walk away with confidence.

Little will he know, his ass just got sexy rumbled, and that’s something you won’t learn at the gym.

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Change up the good ole’ gym routine

Because I have been bored with the gym, today I decided to be a bit more creative with my workout and look up ‘how to burlesque dance’. 

This is a bit of a gamble with Google, as you can never be too sure what type of video may pop up. But to my surprise, all were acceptable PG viewing.

The first video I clicked on gave three simple moves inspired by the movie ‘Burlesque’ (see the connection?!). Click here to view the three minute video.

The ladies teaching the moves were peppy. I didn’t feel as if they were trying to intimadate me with their sexiness, but instead invite me to join their sexiness. Their easy to-do moves boosted my confidence and gave me the motivation to try another video.

The next instructional I chose began with a girl in the middle of a mirrored studio dancing to generic porn music. It was unclear if I was supposed to follow her or wait for instructions on how to do the moves.

About a minute (too long) into the video she finally narrates the routine. Her first instruction was “Turn your hips left and your shoulders right”.

What does that even mean?!

 I can’t tell you what I did, but it sure as hell wasn’t what “girl in the middle of the mirrored studio dancing to generic porn music” was doing.

So I opted to just move my hips and keep the shoulders parked while maintaing a sexy look on my face.

 It is then when I start to feel silly.

Mind you, dancing porn-music girl is wearing shorts and a sports bra, and I’m in my gray Army sweatpants and my Bocce ball team t-shirt.

I do not recommend wearing frumpy clothes while trying to look (or feel) sexy. Let’s just say I’m happy I was in the privacy of my own home while attempting these moves in this video.

The moves weren’t necessarily difficult, but I somehow over thought what I was supposed to be doing. Suddenly my shoulders don’t know how to move because my hips are moving? I can walk, run, do the twist, but I can’t move my shoulders left when my hips are to the right? 

I blame it on the porn-music girl: she did not invite me to join her sexiness. 

After the hip movement, I then was instructed to raise my hand above my shoulder. Raise my hand above my shoulder in a sexy motion.

I don’t know how many of you have raised your hand above your shoulder and maintained sex appeal, but doing this while wearing baggy sweatpants (and a t-shirt that says “let’s roll”) makes it incredibly difficult to raise your hand above your shoulder in a sexy manner. The entire time I’m doing these moves, I’m looking in the mirror, and can only see the growing disappointment in my own face. 

Then comes time for a hair flip. The most basic move of them all. I recommend not even trying if you already feel ridiculous at this point, because the strain in my face when flipping my hair up was probably the most discouraging part of the entire routine.

I managed to not only bruise my ego within the first three minutes of the video, but also give myself whiplash. 

 

So that’s a post.

Til next time friends!

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