Tag Archives: workout

The final weigh in

On Friday I fell asleep while eating a cookie.

Not my proudest moment. Although, in my defense, not my worst.

So that was the beginning of the end for my three-week weight loss challenge.

Today was final weigh in, and I had not made any real attempt to lose weight or even workout.

I think I averaged one workout a week.

One being a deceivingly difficult trampoline class.

You don’t jump up; instead you push down.

What does that even mean?!

And how did someone manage to take the fun out of jumping on trampolines?!

To recap: I had three weeks to lose 10 pounds. I invested $40. If I succeeded, I got double my investment back. If I failed, I lost everything (except for the weight).

Three weeks ago I weighed in at 145.

Today ladies and gentlemen….

Drumroll. ..

Mas drumroll…

Drumroll is not nearly as effective on paper…

139!

That was my weight today. I don’t know if I prefaced that properly.

In the end I didn’t get $80 or even my initial $40 back, but I did get four dollars per pound lost. Which means I only lost $16.

It is probably for the best, because I’ve wanted this cat clock for awhile and it happens to cost as much as the competition.

It’s stupid. I don’t need it, and I have absolutely no good place for it.

So really, I saved $16.

Welp, that’s a wrap on my latest fitness endeavour.

I’ll keep you posted on my holiday weight fluctuations so y’all know you’re not alone.

Til next time!

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The go-to workout

It’s been awhile since I’ve mentioned a workout.

Remember when this use to be a fitness blog?

Well here’s one for you below!
Finally right?!

Whenever I’m in a rush, this is my go-to HIIT workout. HIIT stands for “high intensity interval training”. At least I think that’s what it stands for. I don’t care enough to check sources. This is why I decided journalism shouldn’t be my thing and I will write pointless silly blog posts instead.

Good compromise.

It’s a treadmill HIIT workout.

I usually avoid treadmills, but this one is only 10 minutes so I force myself to suck up 10 minutes of sucking.

Start at an incline of 1.5.
Walk for two minutes.
Jog for two minutes.
Run for one minute.

Go back to a walking pace, but this time at incline 3.5.
Walk for two minutes.
Jog for two minutes.
Run for one minute.

Voila!!
Workout done.
You burned some fat.
Got a good sweat on.
Breathing hard.
And glistening with accomplishment.

Kudos to you.

Afterwards it’s really up to you what you do. I recommend stretching.
Although I never do.
I also recommend squats. Which I only do if there aren’t many boys around the 50 pound bar.

But the beauty of this HIIT workout is it’s quick and challenging. And if you’re like me, you’ll see immediate results once your done.

At least you’ll feel as if you see immediate results once your done.

I know – girl brain.

‘Til next time friends!

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My demise-a yoga pant story

Since when did buying workout pants become more difficult than finding a flattering bathing suite?

I blame this on the yoga pant fad. I was perfectly happy wearing my comfortable, swooshy, baggy, sweat pants back when I was 15. They were part of my cheerleading uniform with my name and bulldog embroidered on the top. (GO DOGS!)

Do swooshy pants even exist anymore?

Do people born in the 90s even know what the hell I’m talking about?

Because I got a new job, I had to start a new routine. I was going to get rid of my 24 Hour Fitness membership until I realized there was one in the same building as my new profession. Waking up and going to the gym in the morning would allow me to avoid traffic without having to sacrifice sleep.

My first morning at the new gym I chose to do the stair climber. This 24 Hour Fitness has several of these machines that all happen to reside in front of a mirror. This means while I am on the climber the reflection in the mirror is of my back.

At least this is what I thought.

This gym is small and the ceiling is next to my head while I climb. I don’t know if you noticed, but most ceilings have lights in them. As I’m climbing on the stair climber that resides in front of a mirror next to the ceiling with lights, I look in the mirror that is behind me and see a white ass staring at me.

With low ceilings, and fluorescent lights made out x-ray vision, it was no match for cheap yoga pant material to hide my white ass.

I was in a difficult position. I had to choose to continue to work out and pretend as if my ass isn’t as white as it is, or admit defeat and stop working out and hide in shame?

I continued to do my workout. White ass and all.

That afternoon I added “Buy new yoga pants” to my to-do list. I went against all the advice from fellow yoga pant wearers and went to Target instead of Old Navy because I’m lazy and it is the closest store to my house. While walking up and down the aisles of potential yoga pants, I hand tested all the pairs of interest. This isn’t as sexy of a test as it sounds; I simply placed my palm in the pants and stretched to see if I could see my skin.

Every pair of yoga pants. Every single pair. Every fucking pair man! I could see my skin.

I bought shorts.

So the next day I was in the gym wearing a pair of shorts I opted to simply buy and not try on. The shorts fit perfectly around my hips, but were slightly too tight around the thighs. If I did any form of jumping, the shorts became panties. 

On top of inappropriately short shorts, the x-ray vision fluorescent lights had an impeccable capability of not only showing my white ass in yoga pants, but also emphasizing my cellulite. 

Gyms need to adopt stripper lighting.

Needless to say, I was back at the store and this time took the advice of fellow yoga pant wearers and went with a few pairs from Old Navy. They are a little thicker, but I still don’t have the courage to look behind me into the mirror while on the stair climber. Instead, I try and get the one stair climber in front of the storage door.

This is what I have I learned from this experience:

1. Fluorescent lighting is the devil and clearly invented by a man.

2. I have a new found appreciation for how my body looks in a bikini.

3. Out of all the terrible styles we have brought back from the 90s, why isn’t swooshy pants one of them?

Til next time friends!

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Finally a review of something (fitness related)

I read a fact somewhere saying if you tell someone you’re going to do something, it has the same psychological effects as if you had already done it:

  • Body by Vi challenge
  • Clean eating
  • Spartan beast race

This is just a short list of everything I have told you guys I was going to do, and never actually went through with.
At least now I know why.

For the past six weeks I have been doing the free Ab Workout at least four times per week. (Screenshot below.)

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Seeing how I have a reputation of saying I am going to do something and not follow through, I decided the best course of action was to review this app once my findings were done.

I feel so scientific.

The free version has two different routines: the first one is mainly crunches and the second one is focused on core strength. Being in the military (and having to do a minimum of 52 sit-ups within two minutes to pass any physical training test), I really thought I was far more advanced for just five minutes of crunches.

Sometimes ego is a funny thing.

I was surprised at the amount of struggle I endured on a few of the exercises my first few attempts.

Never underestimate the power of a basic crunch. 

I chose to do five minutes each time; however, you can choose for a longer session. Me just being the bare minimum chick, I figured it wouldn’t be realistic for me to choose anything longer than the five minute option. 

There are 10 exercises for 30 seconds each, and each exercise is accompanied with a little video and three-second rest in between. My favorite aspect of this app is I can still listen to my podcast while running it. 

I am going to do something I have never done before. 

I have posted before and after pics…

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Ignore what I am doing with my hand in the top right corner.

There’s (admittedly) not too much of a difference. But I want to emphasize, I really haven’t worked out more than once (maybe twice) a week since I started this routine. Nor have I changed my diet – which means cheese and cookies are usually a daily necessity. (Okay, and wine.)

I wanted as little variables as possible to show the full potential of just these five minutes.

I highly recommend this app. Even on my lazy days, I found the energy (in the words of Nike) to “just do it”. It goes by quickly, and you can simultaneously listen to “Jay and Silent Bob Get Old”.

I haven’t even mentioned the best part yet: once your finished, the app gives you a round of applause congratulating you on your hard work. 

I wish everything ended in applause.

Til next time friends!

 

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Change up the good ole’ gym routine

Because I have been bored with the gym, today I decided to be a bit more creative with my workout and look up ‘how to burlesque dance’. 

This is a bit of a gamble with Google, as you can never be too sure what type of video may pop up. But to my surprise, all were acceptable PG viewing.

The first video I clicked on gave three simple moves inspired by the movie ‘Burlesque’ (see the connection?!). Click here to view the three minute video.

The ladies teaching the moves were peppy. I didn’t feel as if they were trying to intimadate me with their sexiness, but instead invite me to join their sexiness. Their easy to-do moves boosted my confidence and gave me the motivation to try another video.

The next instructional I chose began with a girl in the middle of a mirrored studio dancing to generic porn music. It was unclear if I was supposed to follow her or wait for instructions on how to do the moves.

About a minute (too long) into the video she finally narrates the routine. Her first instruction was “Turn your hips left and your shoulders right”.

What does that even mean?!

 I can’t tell you what I did, but it sure as hell wasn’t what “girl in the middle of the mirrored studio dancing to generic porn music” was doing.

So I opted to just move my hips and keep the shoulders parked while maintaing a sexy look on my face.

 It is then when I start to feel silly.

Mind you, dancing porn-music girl is wearing shorts and a sports bra, and I’m in my gray Army sweatpants and my Bocce ball team t-shirt.

I do not recommend wearing frumpy clothes while trying to look (or feel) sexy. Let’s just say I’m happy I was in the privacy of my own home while attempting these moves in this video.

The moves weren’t necessarily difficult, but I somehow over thought what I was supposed to be doing. Suddenly my shoulders don’t know how to move because my hips are moving? I can walk, run, do the twist, but I can’t move my shoulders left when my hips are to the right? 

I blame it on the porn-music girl: she did not invite me to join her sexiness. 

After the hip movement, I then was instructed to raise my hand above my shoulder. Raise my hand above my shoulder in a sexy motion.

I don’t know how many of you have raised your hand above your shoulder and maintained sex appeal, but doing this while wearing baggy sweatpants (and a t-shirt that says “let’s roll”) makes it incredibly difficult to raise your hand above your shoulder in a sexy manner. The entire time I’m doing these moves, I’m looking in the mirror, and can only see the growing disappointment in my own face. 

Then comes time for a hair flip. The most basic move of them all. I recommend not even trying if you already feel ridiculous at this point, because the strain in my face when flipping my hair up was probably the most discouraging part of the entire routine.

I managed to not only bruise my ego within the first three minutes of the video, but also give myself whiplash. 

 

So that’s a post.

Til next time friends!

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I am determined to look good in Yoga pants

The big perk of avoiding the gym after the new year, and working out at home, is not having to worry about the inevitable camel toe. 

I literally have gone to the gym twice in two weeks. For those of you quick with math: yes; that’s an average of once per week.

24 Hour Fitness is already a packed gym, especially the one near my hometown. And if I opt to go to the one near my work, then I risk being surrounded by a lot of guys with spiky hair. I’m not saying spiky hair is a bad thing. I’m just saying it’s a bit douchebaggy.

My new plan for the new year is to find workouts online and do them at home. I can then save the whopping 25 dollars a month I spend on the gym. This can now go to my tattoo fund I’ve been trying to work on for the past five years. (My new years resolution should probably be related to managing money better.)

Below is a screenshot of a workout my cousin posted on facebook:

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Being the half-ass achiever that I am, I of course did this the minimum amount of times required. 

It still took me 45 minutes.

I don’t have a step, so I opted to do 30 sit-ups with a 10 pound medicine ball in place of the 30 step ups. I also replaced the burpees with my beloved bomb-diver push ups (check out my prior post for technique). If you really want to add danger to this workout, I recommend having a seven-pound house cat with you in the room trying to attack you when lying on the floor or in push up position. 

After the first set, I took the duration of the song “Inside Out” by Eve 6 to stretch. This is a good strategy to avoid injury, as well as, the insanity you risk for committing to such a routine.

If you are a beginner, I would recommend cutting the reps in half, if not to a quarter. According to my Sergeant in physical therapy school, I have thunder thighs, so a workout like this should be easy for someone like me. Which it wasn’t, and my thunder thighs feel more like a kittens meow. 

They’re weak. Yeah I agree, that was a terrible attempt at an analogy. 

If you have any recommended at-home workouts, please let me know. I need to continue to save up for at least a tattoo cover up. That I will explain later.

Until next time friends!

 

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Red velvet cookie diet

For once I have some positive news: I’ve been consistent with working out two weeks in a row.

Granted this is only day two of my week two, but it still counts in my book.

The real accomplishment my friends, is last week I actually looked forward to my workouts. Maybe this week that desire will trickle in later, but it’s an accomplishment regardless.

 I have also been successful at eating less, but this is primarily due to the fact I have been eating an abundance of red velvet cookies with white chocolate chips. I blame Safeway for their affordable sweets, and my grandmother who had a birthday party last Sunday where the cookies were supposed to provide enjoyment to the many guests. 

Somehow they are still on my kitchen counter top. (Well…half of them anyways.)

Because of these high caloric delectable treats, I’ve made myself go to the gym last week and last night. 

Also, they have (and will) replace breakfast until they are no longer on my counter top. 

Since I went to the gym four days last week and again last night, I’ve already seen a difference in my stomach. I’m not a nutritionist, but I don’t think the cookies are to thank for the very faint lines in my belly. You are more than welcome to try this tactic, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

Instead I would recommend step two of my two-step lines in belly process: run a quick mile. At the start of my gym time, I go on the treadmill and begin with a slow walk. Usually this takes two to four minutes depending on my level of laziness from the workday earlier. I don’t just walk however, I use the time to stretch my shoulders and arms. I call this multitasking as well as disguising my laziness to the gym folks around me.

 

The details are boring of my one mile run, but I usually end up at 8.2 (which at 5’2” makes me feel like a cheetah). This warm-up takes about 10-11 minutes of my total workout, and my lower stomach reaps the benefits. (Is that the right phrase?)

I will be consistent for the rest of the week, and then next week I will post side by side belly pictures of my Vi tummy (technical term), clean eating tummy, and my cookie/running warm-up tummy.

The most important thing I have learned in my adulthood is compromise is key. If I am unable to devote my diet to a powder, or eat solely unprocessed foods, I am willing to find the middle ground. As of right now, that middle ground could possibly be eating less, eating healthier, as well as eating as many red velvet, white chocolate chip cookies as I please, but ONLY if I can go to the gym the same night and break out in a decent sweat. 

 I don’t know about you guys, but I have a good feeling about this one. 

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